Under Construction: A Superfluous Moment →
writtenrage: Inside I was screaming. But I looked at you but you seemed so calm almost like you had done this before and I was scared and nervous with my breath coming out in whispers and your eyes were moody in a way a cat gets moody then jumps on your lap and…
I did not mean any harm from my past. Past things that mean nothing to me now. Now you treat with me silence and I feel empty. Emptying myself of any feelings towards you. You can be upset but for how long? Long enough for me to lose you? You may not understand because this is new. New, better times are ahead of us if you let go. Go into my mind and see the love that is there. There you...
And I Dreamed We Were Together
I slept. I dreamt. Of you. You were sick and I came to visit. I was going to make sure you were okay. I was going to be by your side. I arrived at your house only to find your father. You had already left. You drove yourself. It had been a while so your father and I decided to go out and find you. We were worried about you. As we were walking towards the car, you came pulling in....
I can’t do this anymore. I miss you. I tell you I miss you and get no response. I understand the situation we’re in but there are no rules. I am allowed to miss you and you are allowed to feel the same and vocalize it. With each passing day I feel you pulling farther and farther away. I ask myself if it is intentional. But it’s not. For you, it is simply habit. You...
Walking in the mall, strolling-rolling-trolling, when I walked past Vikki Secrets. The poster was of an adorably sexy woman- as they all are. She was wearing a tank top and baggy sweats. Running along the side of the poster it read: ‘I love my boyfriend pants’ To which I kept walking and thought, I do love my boyfriend. What just happened?
Fucking Give Up
You try and try and try. You work hard and do your work. You have money on the side from the shitty minimum wage job you work. You have a boyfriend who doesn’t care. And you try. You struggle and fight and let it be known what you want. You do better. You try harder. You get your shit organized. You put in effort. Doesn’t matter. You will be brought down. You will drown. And by...
Why love love?
I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved and cherished and important. I deserve to be missed. But I am not. With each passing day, I dwell in this bitterness. You do nothing. You sit in your loneliness and are perfectly content. But you shouldn’t be. You should be talking to me, missing me, showing some sort of effort to our relationship! At least for the time and effort I put...
But I'm Just a Child
I do not want to worry about money problems but it’s all I’ve ever worried about. I am attending college full time and working part time at Applebee’s as a waitress. This does not mean the money comes pouring in. I understand that there will be a time when all children must support their parents but that time is not now. Call me selfish but I’m trying to enjoy my...
How Did I Get Here?
It’s funny isn’t it? Reflecting. Looking at your life and thinking how did I get here? I remember when I couldn’t sleep. I would stay up late, doing everything on my laptop and talking to you. I could always talk to you. Even then I had a slight thought of what if? But I would never say anything. No no no, not then. But now. Here we are. Though miles apart we came...
I’m thinking of writing a letter to him. I cannot tell you what it would say but I know it would be long. If I even decide to write or not. I’ve written countless letters before, why would I think one more would change a thing? But do I want things to change? I can’t do that now. I can’t do that to him. I’m thinking of writing a letter. I don’t know what...
What to Say
There is so much to do and not a damn inkling of force to go about doing them. Tis life, s’pose. In order to not screw things up like I normally do with everything, the question was asked, What is the etiquette for talking to new boyfriend about old boyfriends? To which the answer was a verbal shrug. So it was not brought up again. I love seeing him happy. I love making him happy. But...
Or at least I’m trying. Sitting in the library, large grid, glass panels watch me as I do everything I’m not supposed to. I see no people. I know they’re there. I feel their presence. I am alone but I am not. The hum of music in my headphones secludes me. I don’t even hear words anymore. Just noise. Noises to distract me from myself. To distract me thoughts bringing...
What is it about the night that makes people so lonely? I feel as if anyone I’ve ever known is so far away. I want to reach out to someone but for what reason? I know I’m not alone. I am in this moment but the moment will pass. Until tomorrow night.
To the Boy Back Home
Here’s the thing, I am not perfect. At the most, I am mildly okay. But you’re not perfect either. But this is what I want and what I will do: I will be devoted to you. I will be honest and make sure you have my trust. I will try my hardest not to hurt you. I will talk to you when something is wrong instead of playing a guessing game. I will support you and be there for you and show...
Live like a Liar
Why do people do wrong? Actually, I don’t care much about that question. It’s more, why do they do wrong and then refuse to make it right. There’s always an excuse. I’ve had my fair share of mistakes. But at least I have the decency to own up to what I did. Even if it hurts. Even if it tears everything apart. I can’t go on as if nothing happened especially if what...
It’s only the first day back at college and everything just fell into place. I’m already doing the same routine. I don’t know how I feel about that.. I talked to a friend today. It was good to catch up. Once again, it was the same routine, like no one ever left. He helped me put things in perspective. You know how when talking to someone, you’re really just figuring it...
It started out really well. But soon, I sat there, silently as I watched everything fall apart. For no reason. I couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t my place. I tried to enjoy it myself. I tried to not let myself get angry. I still am. Tension sat in the chair next to me as I waited for my meal. It loomed over me as I picked at my plate, trying not to make any noise. On the drive back,...